Self Evaluation

As I write this I am staring at a deadline for my self evaluation goals for the ministry year 2009. I have to confess I hate this process. To be completely honest, there are times when I feel like I am already operating at max capacity, one step away from the breaking point. My team of volunteers are busy loving on students, and I am consumed with trying to figure out night and day how best to minister to the students of this community. I do not say this pridefully, but rather trying to minster by completing goals doesn't seem as healthy as being driven by the calling God has placed on our lives. Trying to minister by meeting a certain set of self imposed external goals doesn't seem exactly healthy. The big question is ... Do i think Jesus set-out in year one of his ministry with a written set of evaluatable goals and then graded himself at the end of that year? Probably not. And then, year two did Jesus write a new set of goals on how to be a better Messiah in year two? I think you get the idea. Now before I rant and rave too far here, I do think there has to be some way to evaluate as a minster of the gospel our effectiveness, or better yet our faithfulness. The problem comes when we try to use the world's methods of evaluation and validation. And I think that is where the real tension is in my heart today. Since this about Kingodm things, shouldn't there be a kingdom way to grow and stretch toward Christlikeness?

Here's the deal. I think God did provide a way for us to "evaluate" and stretch to be more like him. It is found in the context of true chrisitan community. i'm not talking casual releationships here and an occasional pot luck dinner. I am talking about a smallish group of people living life together, pursuing Christ together, life on life stuff. In this context we have people who love us and see our blind spots that can gently and bluntly help us see where we need to grow, not just professionally, but also in the fruits of the spirit, in our family life, etc. The problem is that too many of us do not live in this kind of community where James 5:16 is possible; where we can confess our sins to each other and truly pray for each other. Those of us in ministry, tend to live even less in community. We see ourselves as ministers to the community and seldom have the depth of relationships required to expereience true community and the evaluation and spurring (Heb. 10:24) on that we need.

So...I think that my first goal for the year is that I am going to pursue true christian community with a few people God has placed in my path and allow God to begin shaping me INSIDE of community. Maybe this goal setting thing isn't so bad after all.